is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we should paint friendship bongs
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