U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
