Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize