I bet he comes in French.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
