I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
