i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
