Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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