u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
