I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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