He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
