he shaved USA in his pubs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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