This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
