alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
