I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
