Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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