I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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