dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
