I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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