i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
