Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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