So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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