We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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