every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
