My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
