i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
