What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
