I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize