just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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