theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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