Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize