Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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