That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
