i can't believe i had my finger in that
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
how drunk are you?
Several
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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