Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
