Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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