I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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