let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
