The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
