you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
