the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
