Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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