I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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