I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize