i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So much rum. So many feels.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
