the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
