I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
