the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
