this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
