dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
