I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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