he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize