he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
