I can text with my tongue
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize