Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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