So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
