i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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