This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
