You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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