i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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