You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
