guys are not supposed to queef...right?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
