OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize