my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
