i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I skipped work to stalk him.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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