you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
