I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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