he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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