T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
