My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
