So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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