Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
