Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
