my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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