I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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