i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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