Duck Duck Cougar?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
