An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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