none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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