It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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