I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize