how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
not ubering you a puppy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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