He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i came on her dog
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
