how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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