i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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