Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
