I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
