Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
