i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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