never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
