I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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