Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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