I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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