i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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