I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
