i don't like sucking hair
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
