Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
