I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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