No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
