Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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