I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
